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Did you really think we were going to live through a pandemic without the internet creating some definitions about it? Nah boo, you were wrong.

And like, not to remind everyone how stuck inside we are, but we might as well spend it laughing, even if its by ourselves!

*Friendly reminder, if you’re feeling alone or stir crazy, reach out to friends or family via video chat, text or call! I’m sure they crave human interaction as much as you do. And if you need to reach out to a crisis helpline, here’s a resource; remember, we’re all in this together.*

Let’s jump into the laughs, y’all:

1. Isolationship

We’re basically all in an isolationship at this point. Whether you’re single, married, it’s complicated, etc. We finally all at least have one thing in common: isolationship.

Definition: A deep connection to self and house mates developed after long periods of social distancing.

Used in a sentence: “Man, because of this pandemic I’ve totally gotten myself into an isolationship with everyone in the house over these last few weeks”

2. Upperwear

Definition: When you work from home or on TV and are only ‘seen’ from the waist up, so you wear appropriate clothes up top but sweats (or pantsless) from the bottom.

Used in a sentence: “Did you see my upperwear in the video conference today? Fooled everyone!”

3. Coronacopia

Definition: The growing volume of people, places and things that can give you the coronavirus. Handshakes, desk surfaces, door handles, sneezes…

Used in a sentence: “On the way home from work today I had to avoid a whole coronacopia of germs”

4. Quarantini

Definition: A strong alcoholic beverage you make when you’re quarantined or locked up inside for an extended period of time.

Used in a sentence: “It’s 2:30 pm and I’m on my second quarantini. Don’t judge me. What’s up with you?”

5. Heart Horny

You’re probably wondering why this one is in here since craving intimacy isn’t new but there’s gotta be a spike in heart horniness in these uncertain and chaotic times. Everyone wants to be loved and people’s priorities shift when something major like this happens, so let’s acknowledge its existence. We’re human.

Definition: When you’re horny for love and connection, not really for sex.

Used in a sentence:
“idk, just felt really heart horny yesterday.”
“wdym?”
“just, wanted to have someone, you know?”

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If you’re media and want to reach our Editor, email Moira Ghazal at [email protected]