The best and most valuable relationship is the one you have with yourself. That’s literally the best thing about being single: you have the time and the presence of mind to be able to figure out who you are, what you like, what you don’t like, what you value and how you want your life to unfold.
Once you’ve done all the legwork on your own, when the time comes and you meet that perfect-person-for-you, you’ll be ready to yeet yourself head first, no doubts, and no questions asked!
One way to improve your relationship with yourself (and by proxy, improving your relationship with others) is by knowing how you recognize love.
Love is complicated and people express it in many different ways, but what’s the optimal way for you to receive love?
What are love languages?
Gary Chapman coined the term ‘love language’ in 1992 to describe 5 different ways that people can express love.
These are the 5 different love languages.
- Words of affirmation (ex. ‘you did a difficult job really well’ or ‘I love being in love with you)
- Physical touch (ex. hugs, pats on the back, reaching for your hand at the right time)
- Quality time (ex. walking around a park together, talking, laughing)
- Gifts (pretty self-explanatory)
- Acts of service (ex. doing things that need to get done without being asked or making breakfast in bed)
How do you know which love languages apply to you?
Well, if you’ve been on this planet for at least 18 years, you should kiiiiinda know what you perceive as love. What makes you happy? What makes you feel loved? Think about it for a second and write down the 5 love languages in ranking order of how they best apply to you.
Once you’ve got your list, take this quiz. Compare your original list, with the quiz results and see how off the mark you were (you should be pretty close especially if you’re very self-aware).
What do you do with knowing your love languages?
Well, now you can go forth into the dating multiverse and find someone who is compatible with you based on your love languages.
And listen, not everyone will be your perfect match based on love languages but knowing how you receive love and knowing how your potential partner receives love can help form how you show them love, even if it isn’t natural to you!
If you find someone who perfectly balances your love languages, then AMAZING, you win at life, congratulations!
On the fourth date or so, talk about them! If they don’t know what their love languages are, send them the quiz. It’s getting to know each other on a level that is fundamentally important for the success of a long-term relationship! Put your intentions out there, communicate openly and everyone’s expectations will be managed! Success!
And although Clover doesn’t filter based off love languages, we do filter off other values
Another important way to build a solid foundation for a relationship is knowing what values are absolutely important to you and what values your partner needs to have.
Is common religion important to you? Is your career and your partner’s career important to you?
It’s important to list out what values you need in a relationship and filtering your matches based on those values helps really hone in on that pretty-perfect fit! Experience it for yourself here.