Some dating apps are notorious for facilitating texting traps. The slow but steady fall into the trap goes like this: you match with a cutie, end up texting to get to know each other better but you somehow just end up texting and texting and texting, until 3 weeks later you realize you still haven’t met up yet and now? A meet up seems very unlikely. All you’re really left with is a pen pal, which is definitely not what you signed up for when you joined the app.

According to dating coach Sami Wunder, women need to avoid this trap entirely.

 “You don’t want to text with men too much because the more you text, the more virtual it gets.”

Sami Wunder

Initially, this constant source of attention feels super fun and super good, kind of like when you were back in high school and spent your days talking to your crush on MSN. The problem now, though, as adults, is that this texting trap is just that–a trap where a real connection becomes less and less likely the more time passes.

As someone who has been single for big chunks of time, I can confirm that the texting trap is a real thing. Anyone who’s been on a dating app can confirm the legitimacy of this phenomenon. How many guys who had SO much potential just ended up becoming a text buddy? And like, NO ONE ACTUALLY NEEDS MORE PEOPLE TO TEXT! That’s what our friends are for.

“The more available you become in their heads, the less likely they are to ask you out for an actual meeting,” she said. “Because honestly, there are men out there who just want a beautiful pen pal.”

Sami Wunder

Here’s how Wunder suggests avoiding the texting trap:

1. Interact with them for a maximum of 4 messages virtually. Then, casually mention that you’d like to hear their voice and if they’re up for a call!
2. From there set up a phone call, and use your judgement and intuition about whether you like them or not to then set up a date.

Shortly after that, set up an in-real-life date, exactly the way dating apps were meant to be used!

If you’re afraid of falling into a texting trap, use Clover’s on-demand dating feature.

Clover’s on-demand dating feature specifically helps mitigate this in a way that other dating apps don’t. If you like someone from their Clover profile, you can literally set up a date with the time and place and it’ll send them a notification asking to meet up at the spot of your choice.

If they’re available, they’ll accept it and boom! You’ve got a date set up for you. You’ll never have to worry about getting into another texting trap again! If you wanna give it a shot, download the Clover Dating App here.

H/T: Insider