When I tell you what intuitive dating (ID) actually is, you’ll realize that ID isn’t actually new. what I mean by new, is that it’s new to us in the world of dating in 2019 where everything is fast, including the fashion, the sex, and the dating. It’s attempting to slow down the extremely fast nature of current dating trends to help keep your head on straight.
I guess it’s like Clover in that sense.
Clover was created with the desire to slow dating down a notch. With the introduction of dating apps, dating became an endless source of options that just keep coming which can be quite overwhelming and lead to dating app burnout.
With the use of personalized filters, the ability to vocalize your intentions on Clover before even chatting, and a cute little 20 questions game among many other features, the app attempts to dial back the superficiality that can be found on the majority of other apps. You can check it out here.
But here is why intuitive dating is important and why you should consider it.
What is intuitive dating?
Intuitive dating is basically making self-care the center of your dating experience. By doing this, it lets you focus on what and who you’re actually looking for and with lots of energy to do it! Like intuitive eating, the concept is simple but it requires some pretty big behavioral changes. The concept: instead of trying to meet literally anyone, take a step back and actively think of what you want in a partner (fling, relationship, friend, whatever it is) and only meet people who fit those requirements.
ID was coined by Julia Bartz, a therapist in NYC. She gave EliteDaily a little bit of wisdom:
“Intuitive dating can include figuring out your dating goals, being intentional about the time and energy you spend on dating, solving any unresolved relationship issues, and figuring out how to give yourself the care and pleasure you’d want from an ideal partner.”Julia Bartz
It’s basically taking the old saying “quality over quantity” and applying it to your dating experience. That way, you’re meeting more of the right(ish) people which creates a more pleasant dating experience instead of dating left, right, and centre, and feeling deflated when more often than not, they’re all definitely not what you’re looking for.
So, how does someone date intuitively?
According to Bartz, it’s important to develop a balanced routine which she calls a “daily practive” of dating. This can include setting limits on how often you’re on the app, figuring out what it is you actually want (not what you just think you might want), and checking in with yourself to see if your dating experience is making you happy or making you feel drained. If it’s the latter, Marie Kondo that shit and re-evaluate how you approach dating apps and dating in general!
According to Bartz, there are 5 steps to dating intuitively:
- Figure out your intentions: No matter what your dating goal is, it’s important to figure it out and hold on to it. On the surface, it may seem smarter to go on a date with 200 people and sift through it all but it’s not going to give you the results you’re expecting. You’ll get more powerful results if you date with intention, and this’ll mitigate dating app burnout!
- Limit app time and take breaks: Don’t just be intention in your search, be intentional with your time and energy. So instead of endlessly scrolling for two hours while watching Netflix, devote X minutes to the app a day. That way, dating doesn’t feel like a drag or a chore. And remember, you don’t need to meet someone every time you go out with friends either! Bartz suggests that sometimes it’s just nice to go dancing with friends to simply go dancing and not place unnecessary pressure on yourself in finding someone at the club. Being single shouldn’t mean your priority in life is to constantly be vigilant for a partner.
- Focus on energy: If something or someone feels off, don’t ignore your intuition, she says.
- Do your dating work: A big part of intuitive dating is reflecting on yourself, your dating history, traumas, etc that may affect your future relationships. Doing the work to heal those things is an important step in intuitive dating.
- Put yourself first: Treat yourself as kindly as you’d like a future partner to, Bartz says. Not only does doing this guarantee that you’ll be happy no matter the outcome of your dating experience but it’ll set you up for finding the highest calibre person for YOU!
“Following these steps will ensure that you’re coming to dating from a place of enjoyment, which will have the added bonus of drawing in partners who are in a similar grounded place.”Julia Bartz
Dating should ALWAYS be fun. If it isn’t, it’s time to reconsider how you’re dating. Intuitive dating is a good option. Not only does it help grow you into a better person for you, but it also helps grow you into a better partner which will help attract the person you want! Win/Win.
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