Growing up, we were lied to.
We were told that ghosts were friendly (thanks Casper). But the reality of it is is that not only do ghosts have the potential to haunt the living shit out of your dream house one day, but they may even BREAK YOUR GODDAMN HEART by manifesting as the person you really liked, only to get ignored for the rest of time because they couldn’t get the courage to let you know that they’re just not that into you.
And listen, as much as ghosting sucks, we’ve all done it at one point and realized that that was a really shitty thing to do (probably only after it’s been done to you ‘cause humans are like that).
Ghosting will only cease to exist once humans learn to respect each other and love each other even when they’re not just trying to bone, so like, probably never?
So, here are ways to deal with the ouchies that is being ghosted in a way that is healthy for both parties.
Call 👏 Them 👏 Out!
I know that sounds hella aggro and counterintuitive to my “healthy for both parties” schpeal above, but hear me out. People can’t change behaviors they A) don’t recognize they’re making or B) don’t get reprimanded for because shame is a very effective catalyst for change (LOL).
Now, don’t call them out in just any old way, do it in a way that fosters respect for you, for them and for whatever the hell you guys had.
Bring it up kindly but with your best interest in mind, and add a hint of shame on their behalf because like, it’s well deserved, tbh.
“Hey, I haven’t heard from you in a while. I just wanted to check in and see how you were doing! If there’s a reason for your radio silence, let me know. We’re both adults here and I would understand and respect your feelings.”
BOOM! SHAMED RESPECTFULLY.
Plus, you gave them enough leeway so that if they weren’t actually ghosting you and were in fact just busy with life, they could explain themselves without feeling attacked. It’s a win-win situation! We all love those.
Let. It. Go.
Alright, so let’s say they did ghost you.
It’s gonna hurt. It’s gonna sting. But at the end of the day who wants to date someone who just up and leaves and communicates literally ZERO things?
No one, that’s who.
You want someone who is comfortable with their emotions and feelings, and even if they aren’t, you at least want them to be respectful enough of your time and humanity by giving you a heads up that things aren’t really gonna develop into anything.
Don’t act like you don’t have other options.
I’m gonna give this to you straight, no sugar. Move on!
With dating apps like Clover, you’ve got options AT YOUR LITERAL FINGERTIPS. Why are you sulking over someone who doesn’t feel like investing in you? That’s totally their right and that’s all well and good, but, you got options!
Got ghosted? Open your app and start dating! Nothing’s lost that can’t be found again.
Use your friends to V.E.N.T
I swear it helps. I know you already vent to your friends but I am reenforcing and encouraging this behavior because God it feels good to let it out in one massive bitch fest.
Letting all your saltiness out like you’re goddamn salt bae and just RIPPING WHOEVER YOU’RE MAD ABOUT APART to a group of your most loving and supporting friends is actually the best feeling ever. I know I said be respectful and kind, but like, no one needs to know what goes on in your private conversations. Be a respectful and kind adult out in the real world but with your friends? Anything goes LOL.
Don’t ghost others because you’ve been ghosted.
Humans are pretty crappy so it’s pretty easy to go ahead and be mad at the world and the people in it. I get it. If someone does something bad to you, there are two ways you can deal with it A) you realize how much it sucks and that makes you not want to do it to anyone else or B) you figure “well, since everyone is just doing it and being shitty, why should I take the high road?”
If you don’t know where I’m taking this, I’m letting you know DO NOT DO B. B sucks, don’t be the person who chooses that option.
Think of this as public service announcement to everyone out there: each time you confront a ghoster or choose to have a civil conversation to tell someone you’re just not that into them, there’s a chance this ghosting epidemic will stop! Plus, I mean, it kinda feels really good to call people out for their shitty behavior, so there’s that.