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We grow up to think that monsters only exist under our beds when in reality the monsters are on our phones texting us “hey, you up?” at 2AM after being MIA for weeks.
They’re in our DMs shooting their shot, at our coffee shops waiting for unsuspecting prey; they’re everywhere. Luckily for us, red flags exist flag these monsters before we’re in too deep.
So keep an eye out for these 5 halloween monsters you seriously need to stop going out with.
1. The Vampire (Energy Vampire, that is)
You know the one.
The person who seems a tad too good to be true; attractive, seemingly intelligent and can hold a pretty great conversation via text!
However, in person their energy seems negative and draining. A bit off. Wrong. To make things worse, it doesn’t seem to get better after each date.
Yeah, sis. They’re a vampire.
Solution: Text them something along the lines of: “It was nice getting to know you these last few dates but I’m just not feeling the connection. Good luck on your search!”
2. Frankenstein’s Monster
So, Frankenstein’s Monster is less emotionally draining than the Vampire but still feels like a HUGE waste of your time.
This guy is the guy who just seems so checked out at every date. Either he’s on his phone texting, scrolling through Instagram or simply seems to just talk about himself too much or hell! He just doesn’t even seem to be listening to you.
If this seems all too familiar than you’ve been on a date with Frankenstein’s Monster. They’re just on autopilot not really present and who the hell has time for that?
Solution: Text them something along the lines of: “Thanks for the date! I don’t think we vibe well together but I hope you find someone who does!”
3. The Werewolf
Alright this person is a DREAM! They’re perfect…until they just aren’t. They’re the one who changes on a whim into a completely different person to the point where you’re like ????
For example, you’re on a date with a guy and he talks about wanting to be serious, wanting a committed relationship and then when things start to feel slightly serious he lashes out and changes his tune. Sir…make up your mind.
Avoid this person like you’re trying to avoid COVID. They’re bad news.
Solution: Send them a message like this “Hi! I think we are looking for two very different things. It was nice getting to know you and I hope you find what you’re looking for!”
4. The Ghoul
This is the classic. The ghoster. The person who’s perfect except for where the hell did they go?!
They’re texting you constantly one second and then fall off the face of the planet the next.
If they’ve ghosted you…the solution is to just move on. Or you can call them out on it… if you dare! LOL
5. The Goblin
The word ‘goblin’ derives from the Greek word kobalos, a kind of scoundrel. The goblin in your dating life is the person who hits you up literally only after dark like you’re some kind of late night convenience store.
Like…bruhhhhhhhhhhhh. Get your hobgoblin ass out of people’s DMs if you’re not here to see them during the day too. People are not a late-night delivery service, excuse you.
We’re leaving the hobgoblins in 2019, ain’t nobody got time for that AND to risk catching COVID. No thanks.
Avoid these monsters and find your person on the Clover Dating app!
If you’re media and want to reach our Editor, Moira Ghazal, email her at social @ clover . co